Time Management August 28, 2009

I noticed that a lot of my posts have been during work. Its strangely the one time I allow myself to spend time on this kind of thing. Its a little sad and for those who know me a bit hypocritical. I will complain about how behind I am in the books I want to read, yet I’ll spend an hour or more on a computer game or a video game.

I guess some would call it prioritizing, but I call it a warped sense of time management guilt. I call it this for 2 reasons. First, doesn’t that just sound cool? Second, I don’t do a lot of things in my free time because I feel too guilty “wasting time” on them when I could be doing something much more productive… yet some real “time wasters” manage to elude this sense of guilt that keeps me from reading or coloring. (Yes, I enjoy coloring.)

I guess I just need to revert back to how I used to do things. I work on productive things until there just isn’t anything left to do, then I don’t feel guilty doing anything! I was lucky enough to have some time over this past summer that was guilt free laziness, but the school year is just around the corner!

Here’s to hoping senior year is time well spent!

Its that time of year again… August 6, 2009

Its the beginning of August, which for me always ends up in a twisted pool of mixed emotions. It never fails, as of late at least.

I speak, of course, of the time of year when summer is ending and soon I’ll be going back up to school. I always struggle with how I feel about it, I realized. When some one asks “Are you excited to head back up to school?” I always respond with a prompt “Yes!” thinking of how I’ll be living once again on my own and not under the same roof as my parents but with my close friends. I also think of how I’ll get to see people I haven’t really seen all summer. I think of the parties and fun outings…

Then I stop and think more deeply about it. More classes will start, more stupid drama will happen, and I’ll be hundreds of miles away from the man I love… One can see how I get a mixed feeling about leaving home and going back to school.

I do, however, like the idea of a change in scenery. Its always a highlight for me to shake up my routine and start anew in a different place. I mean yeah, I’ve been to East Lansing several times, but its always rejuvenating to come back after a long time away. This year is even more of a change because we’ll be in an apartment! I’m excited and nervous about it all at the same time, but it’ll definitely shake things up a little! I’ll miss the kids at work but at the same time being able to NOT edit how I act all the time will be a relief, too. My hours will go down, but my hourly wage will go up? Lol, not quite enough to make up for the dropped hours but as my mom often reminds me “YOUR NUMBER ONE JOB UP THERE IS SCHOOL!”

I’m REALLY looking forward to seeing friends again, especially since two of some of my closest friends that I normally have at school AND home are both away in Europe :’( But hopefully they’ll have lots of fun stories to share

The countdown is on and its somewhat intimidating because this is also my senior year of college, which means I have to get on the ball and figure out what and how I’m going to take care of the rest of my life, or at least the next step in it. I’m struggling a little bit right now since my primary plan looks like it might be falling through a bit, but I still have other options so I’m not panicked, just a bit pressed for time.

But how I feel won’t change the fact that the days are dwindling and whats going to come is coming closer!

Keep In Touch July 5, 2009

I don’t know if this happens to other people, I feel it does, but summer time can kill a college social life. I’m not saying summer isn’t fun and I don’t do anything, I’m mainly referring to the internet and how I don’t use it much. At school I’m online daily for multiple hours, or at least I’m signed on to AIM while doing homework or studying. During the summer I’m lucky to get on once a day!

This summer I’ve felt particularly bad about it because not only do I lose communication with my MSU friends, but people that are normally around me at home are gone and can only be reached via internet. Hooray WORLD wide web!

So hopefully I’ll be able to get online more often and catch up a bit, if not I suppose I’ll be back at school in less than 2 months… I know I for sure won’t be in communication with people in 2 weeks FOR 2 weeks because of my vacation to Hawaii.

Here’s to keeping in touch.

Can We Revert Back? April 27, 2009

“I’m going to go to all my classes this week” says a girl exiting the row ahead of me to a friend. I smile and think the same thing to myself in my head… then wonder if I’ll truely be able to accomplish that goal this week, even though its the last week of classes.

To be honest I can’t recall if there has been a single week all semester where I went to all of my classes. I would like to think there was, but it makes me sad that I can’t confidently claim it. I mean even the first week I missed classes on Wednesday  because I was throwing up sick! I think I went to class all the next week… maybe?

It makes me sad that I have sunk this low. Some claim its just me realizing how unimportant some class lectures are, when I know its only that I let myself believe this is true. In my sophmore year of high school I earned the name “Over Achiever” by some of my class mates because I would have a full week’s homework done by Monday, Tuesday at the latest. I mean, yes I was stuck at home not allowed to go online or go outside from 3pm-530 or 6pm so why else was I going to do? But still. Wow. What would they say now?

I sicken MYSELF with my seeming plummet into a lack of motivation. Where did that motivation disappear to? Freshman year in college I don’t know that I missed a single class, let alone at least one a week. That may not be entirely true but its close to it. Did I take this realization of freedom about whether I choose to go to class or not too far? Yes. There are days taht I justify missing class by using that time to catch up on sleep or study, and thats mainly what I do, but why am I behind on that sleep to begin with? Shouldn’t I be keeping up enough with classes so I don’t have to skip to study? Its a vicious cycle really, and I’m hoping I can get out of it.

My Purpose April 19, 2009

I know this may seem extreme and possibly even conceited, but I feel, in all sincerity, that my purpose in life is to please others.

I know there is a mentality out there of ‘Every man for himself’ but I think that some one needs to be there to just be there for people. That little something to keep humanity connected. As I’ve said before I want to be a forensic pathologist, which is more or less autopsying people and finding causes of death, etc. Note: this is not by any means a psychologist or psychiatrist job. I want to be there in my own way, not in some scientific philosophical way. I can understand some of the reasoning in it all, but it can only be applied to specific situations to an extent.

I love my life. I have great friends and family. I have the opportunity to get an education and am fortunate enough to not have to pay for it myself. I don’t show my appreciation for this enough. I have a wonderful relationship with my fiance. I have a plan for my life. Is it any wonder why I don’t have a difficult time to keep a generally happy demeanor? So as I see it, why can’t I try and share it? It comes off as conceited but I wish I could give everyone a life like mine. I have bumps in the road, yes, but that is just a fact of life. This is why I am such an optimistic person, and why I think it is my duty to try and bring people up when they are down.

Sensations Pt 2 April 19, 2009

I hate the sound of a  high pitched beep from a television.

I hate the sound of nails scratching the chalkboard.

I hate the sound of a child crying.

I hate the sound of your car driving away.

I hate the sight of girls in leggings and Ugg boots.

I hate the sight of someone blatantly litter.

I hate the sight of fighting.

I hate the sight of you upset.

I hate the smell of me when I’m sweaty and dirty.

I hate the smell of burning rubber.

I hate the smell if vomit.

I hate the smell of your clothes when they smell of your breath after chicken wings.

I hate the taste of celery.

I hate the taste of blood.

I hate the taste of rotten milk.

I hate the taste of your tears.

I hate the feeling of being so hungry it hurts.

I hate the feeling that I’ve forgotten something.

I hate the feeling of being so cold it makes me sick.

I hate the feeling of knowing I won’t see you for a few weeks, even a few days.

I hate people who are self absorbed.

I hate being alone.

I hate feeling lazy.

I hate being away from him.

I hate… Hatred.

Sensations Pt 1 April 19, 2009

I love the sound of rain drops on leaves.

I love the sound of feet crunching through fresh snow.

I love the sound of a child’s laughter.

I love the sound of your voice saying my name.

I love the sight of color mosaics in the leaves of fall.

I love the sight of  friends having a good time.

I love the sight of a child sleeping peacefully.

I love the sight of your smile.

I love the smell of rubber cement.

I love the smell of spring flowers.

I love the smell of freshly baked cake.

I love the smell of your cologne when you’re lying next to me.

I love the taste of stamps for Christmas cards.

I love the taste of a home-cooked meal.

I love the taste of chocolate.

I love the taste of your kiss.

I love the feeling of hot tea running down my throat when I’ve just come in from the cold.

I love the feeling of a sweatshirt right out of the dryer.

I love the feeling of walking barefoot on soft carpet.

I love the feeling of your arms wrapped around me tight.

I love pandas.

I love when I can make some one smile.

I love my friends.

I love my family.

I love… Love.

Sleep? April 14, 2009

So afrter recent reflection on my past week and a half as far as a sleeping pattern goes, I’m excited to be going to bed at about 1am…

Thursday 4/2: 1230pm (friday afternoon)
Friday 4/3: 9am (sat morning)
Saturday 4/4: 8am (sun morning)
Sunday 4/5: 430 am (mon morning)
Monday 4/6: 230 am
Tuesday 4/7: 530 am (wed morning)
Wednesday 4/8: 11am (thurs morning)
Thursday 4/9: 430 am (fri morning)
Friday 4/10: 330 am
Saturday 4/11: 230 am
Sunday 4/12: 230 am
Tonight 4/13: 1am WOOOOOOOOOO

And its all fine and dandy until… I work again. *sigh* Oh well its my life and thats how I choose to live it

Day 3 of Double Night Shifts August 17, 2008

Date August 17, 543. Day three of four of double shifts has been reached. Supplies are good. Morale is quaking.

It really isn’t that bad. I’m not used to working multiple 1130pm-7am shifts in a row. It also doesn’t help that I went from not working night reception at home STRAIGHT to doubles here at school. Mind you, I completely brought it upon myself because I was originally only scheduled for 2 in a row. But in a pinch I decided to ’step up’ and catch a few more hours. Well between shifts and meetings over these past three days I’ve gotten 30 hours of work in. Luckily I have nothing else really that important going on in the immediate days approaching.

Tomorrow should be interesting enough as far as sleep deprivation goes. Getting up at 1030am will hopefully be enough time to get my bunk bed apart and the furniture moved for loft building. I also hope they DO build it around noon as we scheduled so I can potentially get back to sleep afterwards. In the past, Rockbuilt will have an appointment and get you in on the DAY of that appointment, but usually not at that time because there are so many others it gets difficult. Tomorrow, however, because I am an early move in I hope to not have any issues with timing and Rockbuilt.

Study desire has not gone up, and it likely won’t for the double tomorrow. Even Gaia lost its appeal for the time being. Hence, this nonsense post. Tiredness is quite the thing to deal with let me tell you. Nearly 6am now, marking the one hour left mark. Then to sleep for a while, and only one more double left for a while after that.

Fair thee well.

Impending Doom August 4, 2008

Usually I’m not the type to get all panicked or superstitious about things, but this week I can’t help but feel like I’m in danger some how. Now thinking it so plainly and especially typing it out just makes me think ‘Wow, I’m being ridiculous and silly.’ But there have been so many things that have made my death come across my mind that its getting hard to ignore.

On the drive down here to North Caroline where I am vacationing with my family, we drive from Michigan and thus also through parts of the Appalachian Mountains. I slept a good portion of the way but as I nodded off I couldn’t help but think that somehow we were going to go over the edge of the mountain or some how the car was going to crash and that me lying in the back not seat-belted in would cause me to die. I don’t usually have this feeling going through the mountains and it quickly just subsided and I dozed off again.

Now today while I was swimming in the ocean I was stung by a jellyfish. It was nothing serious, just like a bee sting really. The life guard assured me it happened all the time and that if the swelling didn’t get worse it would slowly go away. And at that I just stopped worrying about it and went on my merry way. When I returned to the condo and looked at my phone a friend of mine had ironically enough sent me a picture of a jellyfish. I found that somewhat freakishly coincidental but again let it go. I was then reminded later on while telling my story to some one that some jellyfish are deadly and I was lucky. Yet another dooming thing in my mind.

Lastly for this evenings trail of horror was a story at dinner time from my mom. A few years ago while dining at the same restaurant we dined at tonight I ate something that gave me an allergic reaction. It wasn’t really anything that bad, my lip swelled up a little and I took some benedryl and it all went back to normal. She then said ‘I wish we knew what it was that she was allergic to, the next time it might be her throat closing up!’ This is all well and fine until I realize I ordered a very similar dish as the one that I had eaten that night. Of course this was hours ago and I’m fine now, but there was a slight scare there for me at the time.

So its Sunday night as of right now and I have all the way until this Friday before we start our journey home. Will there be anymore things to haunt me?